Interracial Relationships and Marriage
Love and good intentions are not enough for white and/or privileged folks when we are in relationship with people who hold systemically oppressed identities.The harm caused by white and/or privileged bodies does not disappear when we are in intimate relationship with our partner, in fact, the pain can be particularly insidious.
I welcome all couples in interracial/intercultural relationships, though it is most aligned for me to hold space for partnerships where at least one person is in a white body and/or holds a good deal of identity privilege. As a person in a white body, I will for the rest of my life do my own healing work for the parts of me who benefit from systemic oppression. I am grateful to have the opportunity to help other bodies of privilege explore and engage in healing from their own internalized white supremacy.
Maybe your family does not support your relationship, and has caused a great divide between you and your spouse. Your arguments are heated, because while you recognize that your family is treating your spouse poorly, you are still attached and want to spend time together. You want your partner accepted and loved by the people you love. Perhaps intense resentment has formed because your white partner has yet to commit to anti-bias work, which feels like a personal attack on a daily basis and and it feels like your partner is ignoring or minimizing a huge part of your identity and pain. You are anxious about having your partner to a family dinner, because who knows what will be said and you feel on edge and responsible for keeping everyone happy.
Communication, lifestyle, and expectations are classic concerns in many partnerships- we will explore how to enhance the strengths of your relationship and repair what isn’t working. It will include an examination of patterns, reevaluation, and choosing new ways of interacting with one another.
However, when a partnership is comprised of people who do not share an intersection of identities, such as race, specific and unique discourse can arise. Isolation, misunderstanding, power dynamics, and pain can be particularly prevalent in interracial partnerships. With healing the parts of us who hold internalized white supremacy can come an extremely formative connection and partnership. You can become your own little unified pod. As part of an interracial partnership myself, I have been there through the good and the ugly. I can help you learn to lean toward one another instead of away, communicate your needs, and support one another.